Posts Tagged ‘Marriage’

Controlling Anger Helps Build Happy Homes  2-B
Bev Robinson

Ras and I have both authored books which address the subject of anger. Ras’ book which is now out of print is entitled Before The Sun Goes Down and deals with marriage. One of the main stories tells about our getting right with each other. God showed us at the same time, as we enjoyed a beautiful sunset together, that we needed to get right with each other before the sun went completely down which we did. It was a maturing time in our marriage.

My book is entitled Who Am I And Why Am I Here. It deals with life’s purpose and is a more recent writing. It can be ordered on our FCM website in a downloadable pdf format ( One of my illustrations is about anger being like a beach ball being held under water. If anger is not handled when it occurs, other incidents of anger collect. The incidents act like beach balls being held under water. When too many beach balls are collected, one can no longer keep them down and they suddenly explode to the surface with gusto.

Both of the illustrations have the following Scripture as their foundation: Ephesians 4:26-27 (NASB)BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.” This Scripture doesn’t condemn anger. It states the fact of anger, but says you are to handle it daily or the devil has an opportunity to wreak havoc in your life.

Scripture records times when Jesus was angry in different degrees, but His anger was always under control. One time, moved with enough passion and anger, He overthrew the tables of the money changers and drove them out of the temple, even cracking a whip. Scripture records the truth that Jesus committed no sin. Thus by deductive reason being angry alone is not a sin. It is however how you respond to circumstances with uncontrolled anger that causes sin.

So anger is a normal, healthy emotion, but uncontrolled it can cause serious problems first with you, then with your family and friends. We all have anger at various times, but the key is for it to be controlled. I hate to say that early in our marriage my anger was not under control. I yelled at my kids and at Ras. It would often cause whatever they were doing to stop for a while. But after a bit, they would return to the behavior that made me mad in the first place. My anger explosion would make me feel good for a while, but in actuality it did no good and it was a bad example to my children of how to behave toward others.

This shows the power and truth of the following Scripture:James 1:19-20 (NASB) This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

The right way of anger is to show it when and where God says to. The last fruit of the spirit is self-control (Galatians 5:23). I believe because it is last in the list, it is one indication of how hard it is to surrender and let the Holy Spirit run our lives. He can help us with when, how, where and with whom it is to be expressed.

One of the reasons that caused me to stop that ungodly behavior was seeing the results of it in me and then in my family.

Let’s see what uncontrolled anger does to one’s health. Each thought you have has an accompanying biochemical that is released in your body. The good peaceful thoughts and words release helpful hormones that bathe your cells and aid in good growth and repair. Angry thoughts and words do the opposite. They release hormones that attack and do damage to the cells.

Dr. Caroline Leaf in her book. Who Switched Off My Brain writes “Hostility, rage and anger are at the top of the list of toxic emotions that can produce serious mental and  physical illnesses.” (page 68)

The Apostle Paul had to know a lot about anger when he was a part of imprisoning and killing Christians. He stood by watching when Stephen was stoned to death. I’m sure he saw the example of Stephen’s self-control in the face of impending death (Acts 7:59-60).

Later Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:29-32 (NASB) “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”

Now what do you do if you have been allowing anger to control you instead of you controlling it?  Let the anger that rises within you be your trigger. When the temptation comes, take a deep breath and say to yourself a particular Scripture. The one I have used is Proverbs 18:10 (NASB) “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; The righteous runs into it and is safe.” I back up into the strong tower of the Lord and am safe and protected from my enemy of uncontrolled anger.

I am praying in advance for you to allow the Holy Spirit to teach you self-control over uncontrolled anger.  With God’s help, we can have healthy bodies and healthy families.