Controlling Anger Helps Build Happy Homes – 2-B – Bev

HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY HOME
Controlling Anger Helps Build Happy Homes  2-B
Bev Robinson

Ras and I have both authored books which address the subject of anger. Ras’ book which is now out of print is entitled Before The Sun Goes Down and deals with marriage. One of the main stories tells about our getting right with each other. God showed us at the same time, as we enjoyed a beautiful sunset together, that we needed to get right with each other before the sun went completely down which we did. It was a maturing time in our marriage.

My book is entitled Who Am I And Why Am I Here. It deals with life’s purpose and is a more recent writing. It can be ordered on our FCM website in a downloadable pdf format (http://fullnessonline.org/products/books/). One of my illustrations is about anger being like a beach ball being held under water. If anger is not handled when it occurs, other incidents of anger collect. The incidents act like beach balls being held under water. When too many beach balls are collected, one can no longer keep them down and they suddenly explode to the surface with gusto.

Both of the illustrations have the following Scripture as their foundation: Ephesians 4:26-27 (NASB) “BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.” This Scripture doesn’t condemn anger. It states the fact of anger, but says you are to handle it daily or the devil has an opportunity to wreak havoc in your life.

Scripture records times when Jesus was angry in different degrees, but His anger was always under control. One time, moved with enough passion and anger, He overthrew the tables of the money changers and drove them out of the temple, even cracking a whip. Scripture records the truth that Jesus committed no sin. Thus by deductive reason being angry alone is not a sin. It is however how you respond to circumstances with uncontrolled anger that causes sin.

So anger is a normal, healthy emotion, but uncontrolled it can cause serious problems first with you, then with your family and friends. We all have anger at various times, but the key is for it to be controlled. I hate to say that early in our marriage my anger was not under control. I yelled at my kids and at Ras. It would often cause whatever they were doing to stop for a while. But after a bit, they would return to the behavior that made me mad in the first place. My anger explosion would make me feel good for a while, but in actuality it did no good and it was a bad example to my children of how to behave toward others.

This shows the power and truth of the following Scripture:James 1:19-20 (NASB) This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

The right way of anger is to show it when and where God says to. The last fruit of the spirit is self-control (Galatians 5:23). I believe because it is last in the list, it is one indication of how hard it is to surrender and let the Holy Spirit run our lives. He can help us with when, how, where and with whom it is to be expressed.

One of the reasons that caused me to stop that ungodly behavior was seeing the results of it in me and then in my family.

Let’s see what uncontrolled anger does to one’s health. Each thought you have has an accompanying biochemical that is released in your body. The good peaceful thoughts and words release helpful hormones that bathe your cells and aid in good growth and repair. Angry thoughts and words do the opposite. They release hormones that attack and do damage to the cells.

Dr. Caroline Leaf in her book. Who Switched Off My Brain writes “Hostility, rage and anger are at the top of the list of toxic emotions that can produce serious mental and  physical illnesses.” (page 68)

The Apostle Paul had to know a lot about anger when he was a part of imprisoning and killing Christians. He stood by watching when Stephen was stoned to death. I’m sure he saw the example of Stephen’s self-control in the face of impending death (Acts 7:59-60).

Later Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:29-32 (NASB) “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”

Now what do you do if you have been allowing anger to control you instead of you controlling it?  Let the anger that rises within you be your trigger. When the temptation comes, take a deep breath and say to yourself a particular Scripture. The one I have used is Proverbs 18:10 (NASB) “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; The righteous runs into it and is safe.” I back up into the strong tower of the Lord and am safe and protected from my enemy of uncontrolled anger.

I am praying in advance for you to allow the Holy Spirit to teach you self-control over uncontrolled anger.  With God’s help, we can have healthy bodies and healthy families.

Controlling Anger Helps Build Happy Homes – 2-A – Ras

HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY HOME
2-A Controlling Anger Helps Build Happy Homes
Ras Robinson

Ephesians 4:31-32 (AMP) “Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind). And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, t- (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another, tender-hearted [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.”

As a young husband and father, anger was ruling my life. I desired to be the perfect father I felt my family deserved. My children regularly asked their mother, “What kind of mood do you think Dad will be in today when he comes home from work?”

Anger was so much a part of my life that it seemed “normal” to me. I justified my anger, knowing that my intentions were good towards my wife and children. In fact, I just knew they had the ability to be perfect in every way just as I tried to be. When they disappointed me, I would show my anger in words and actions towards them.

As time went by, I realized my quest to be perfect, just like Jesus was perfect, had some good things about it but some bad things too. God showed me I had a “spirit of perfection” for myself as well as for my wife and children and that spirit was not from Him. It was a hard day when I realized “only” Jesus could be perfect. When I was born again at age twelve, I acquired by the grace of God a perfect new man inside me that would last forever. But my soul was a different matter. It needed correction and discipline to be like Jesus.

Getting that “spirit of perfection” cast out of me was a good thing. God told me to confess and get right with my family. They forgave me with a sparkle in their eyes because they knew I loved them more than life itself. A peace and joy began to manifest in our home. It has lasted all these years, though not always perfectly.

In Paul’s passage above, we find that anger has some bad companions: bitterness, indignation, passion, rage, bad temper, resentment, animosity, quarreling, brawling, clamor, contention, slander, evil-speaking, abusive language and malice.

Paul goes on to teach us, “And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tender-hearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.”  This became one of my goals in our marriage and in raising our children.

Instead of showing anger, I sought to become useful and helpful, seeking to build up my family. Another goal was to be kind even when discipline or correction was needed and to be tender-hearted about it. I determined to become compassionate, understanding and loving-hearted. I would be quick to forgive and try hard to forget any wrongs. I would do this readily and freely just like God had forgiven me.

HOW TO BE ANGRY AND SIN NOT

Ephesians 4:26-27 (AMP) “When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down. Leave no [such] room or foothold for the devil [give no opportunity to him].”

I well remember the first time I read these two verses in my Bible. My response was “That’s impossible.” But God was so good to give me this revelation: “You will have anger. Jesus had anger. God had anger. But Paul’s wisdom here is that you are to make sure, as much as possible, to get all your anger forgiven and taken care of before you go to sleep at night. The extra power needed is found in knowing that if you do not repent of your anger, the devil will take “ground” in your life. He will attack you again and again from that “ground” you have surrendered. God revealed to me that anger is a sin only if I never repent. With this revelation, I found power and grace to forgive myself and to ask forgiveness from my family.

WHAT GOD HAS DONE

Only God alone could have done for our home what has happened. Our home  is now a home of peace, a house of love for God and each other. In addition, over our more than 57 years of marriage, we have received, blessed and been blessed by many thousands of people who have come to our now happy home. To God be all the glory and honor.

HOW IS IT DIFFERENT NOW THAN WHEN WE LIVED WITH “SPIRIT OF ANGER?”

THREE IMPORTANT WORDS: We have learned to affirm, bless and forgive at the deepest level possible. Forgiveness needs to include forgetting offenses. Once you forgive, keep on forgiving until the last vestiges of unforgiveness and offense are gone. You may remember the offense, but the memory of it will have no power in your emotions.

With forgiveness, we learned to affirm those we love and care about. Affirmation, sincerely from the heart, is easy to give and can change a life forever. Daily, I tell my wife how pretty she is and how I love her. She just may the smartest person I have ever met. Her love for her family, our church members and me is astonishing.  My wife is never to doubt that I am convinced she is in reality an angel sent from Heaven to me.

I try to create and maintain a steady stream of affirmation toward our daughter and our son, though they are now grown and have families of their own. We let them know how proud of them we are through a steady stream of affirmation.

Finally as our family has grown, we have learned the power of blessing one another in the family. Over the years, we have celebrated each family member’s birthday. The family member whose birthday we celebrate sits at the head of the table. The meal consists of whatever is preferred by their honoree. After we eat, the birthday person must sit quietly while each family member gives a birthday card and words to bless and affirm. This has served our family quite well for many years.

Anger need not ever be a problem in your family. If it is, deal with it. God will bless your family for it. Controlling your anger will help to build your happy home. Be kind, forgiving and full of blessings for your family.