Conquering Fear in the Family Helps Build Happy Homes – 3-B – Bev

HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY HOME
Conquering Fear in the Family Helps Build Happy Homes
Bev Robinson

I have had a difficult time with writing about fear in the family. In talking with Ras about this I realized part of my difficulty was I took it on myself early in life to not let fear overcome me. I tended to be a tough little kid. Not until I became an adult and understood what the Scriptures taught about faith did I learn how to really combat fear.

I know there are women who are afraid of their husbands and probably some men are afraid of their wives. There are children afraid of their parents or other adults. With bullying so rampant in schools now there are children afraid of children. One time years ago a lady in our church stopped me in a grocery store parking lot to ask me about a teenage son because she was afraid of him. I was amazed

The main fear I have had through the years has had to do with my children. I wanted them to make right choices and I wanted them to be treated well. But when those fears come, I go to the Scriptures to feed my faith. I also claim the promises I received for them at different times in their lives.

One of my favorite passages of Scripture that combats fear is in Philippians 4.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians  4:6-7 (NLT)

Within this Scripture is the remedy for worry caused by fear. When we are thankful to God with our whole heart for the things he has done in the past there is no room for worry or fear.

The next two verses in Philippians tell us how to maintain peace in our lives and not give into worry or fear.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:8-9 (NLT) 

Sometimes you can be fearful about something and not really know how you became so fearful. If you have the fruit of fear, there is a root of fear that came somewhere in your life. God showed me such a root one time.

In the first paragraph I wrote that early in my life I determined I would not be fearful. As a result there were not many things that made me fearful. But there was one thing that occurred in my life a few years ago that puzzled me. I became afraid to stay by myself at night. I was ashamed to say anything about it and for a long time I didn’t. Ras would have to be gone out of town some nights and I would awake at every sound and have to get up and go check it out. This didn’t make sense to me. I prayed about it but for a while got no answer. God finally showed me the root and what to do about it in an unusual way.

Occasionally on my day off I go see a movie. I didn’t know anything about the movie I chose. I looked it up on the internet and it was rated very high with audiences, but not the critics. I don’t even remember the name of the movie. If I had known more about the movie I would not have gone to see it. I like mysteries, but not like this one.

When I got in the movie I found out it was about a girl who had been kidnapped and put in the bottom of a deep hole deep in the woods. She escaped and told the police. They couldn’t find the hole so they didn’t believe her. Her sister moved in with her. One day she came home and her sister was missing. She went to the police, but they didn’t believe a crime had been committed. This girl discerned that the same man who had kidnapped her had also kidnapped her sister to lure her out to the hole from which she had escaped. She set out alone to find the sister. She found the man’s hut and pictures of other girls he had kidnapped, thrown in the hole and killed.

As I got to this part of the movie my heart began to pound and I started to jump up and leave the movie. The Lord told me to sit still that He had something to teach me. It was all I could do to stay seated but I did. The girl found the hole. The kidnapper came up behind her and pushed her in. He got down in the hole to kill her and she rushed and pushed him down, climbed up out of the hole on the rope ladder on which he had come down. She then shot him dead. She went home and found her sister bound and in her basement. She wrote a letter to the police telling them where the hole was and that the kidnapper was in it.

Remember I told you at the beginning of this article that as I determined as a child not to be afraid. I never went through anything that scary, but I had similar things happen to me as a child. The Lord told me after it was over that I would be like that girl in the movie outwitting the kidnapper. He would show me how to take care of myself, much as He had done when I was a child. My response was, “yes, I believe you Lord.” He had shown me the root of the fear of my being alone and fearful at night.  Do you have a fear that is caused by a root in your life? Maybe you are not even aware of it. God will show you.

The right kind of fear is the fear of God, which is not a cringing fear. It is being in awe of Him and respecting Him to the point of obdience to what He says, no matter the circumstances.

Controlling Anger Helps Build Happy Homes – 2-B – Bev

HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY HOME
Controlling Anger Helps Build Happy Homes  2-B
Bev Robinson

Ras and I have both authored books which address the subject of anger. Ras’ book which is now out of print is entitled Before The Sun Goes Down and deals with marriage. One of the main stories tells about our getting right with each other. God showed us at the same time, as we enjoyed a beautiful sunset together, that we needed to get right with each other before the sun went completely down which we did. It was a maturing time in our marriage.

My book is entitled Who Am I And Why Am I Here. It deals with life’s purpose and is a more recent writing. It can be ordered on our FCM website in a downloadable pdf format (http://fullnessonline.org/products/books/). One of my illustrations is about anger being like a beach ball being held under water. If anger is not handled when it occurs, other incidents of anger collect. The incidents act like beach balls being held under water. When too many beach balls are collected, one can no longer keep them down and they suddenly explode to the surface with gusto.

Both of the illustrations have the following Scripture as their foundation: Ephesians 4:26-27 (NASB) “BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.” This Scripture doesn’t condemn anger. It states the fact of anger, but says you are to handle it daily or the devil has an opportunity to wreak havoc in your life.

Scripture records times when Jesus was angry in different degrees, but His anger was always under control. One time, moved with enough passion and anger, He overthrew the tables of the money changers and drove them out of the temple, even cracking a whip. Scripture records the truth that Jesus committed no sin. Thus by deductive reason being angry alone is not a sin. It is however how you respond to circumstances with uncontrolled anger that causes sin.

So anger is a normal, healthy emotion, but uncontrolled it can cause serious problems first with you, then with your family and friends. We all have anger at various times, but the key is for it to be controlled. I hate to say that early in our marriage my anger was not under control. I yelled at my kids and at Ras. It would often cause whatever they were doing to stop for a while. But after a bit, they would return to the behavior that made me mad in the first place. My anger explosion would make me feel good for a while, but in actuality it did no good and it was a bad example to my children of how to behave toward others.

This shows the power and truth of the following Scripture:James 1:19-20 (NASB) This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

The right way of anger is to show it when and where God says to. The last fruit of the spirit is self-control (Galatians 5:23). I believe because it is last in the list, it is one indication of how hard it is to surrender and let the Holy Spirit run our lives. He can help us with when, how, where and with whom it is to be expressed.

One of the reasons that caused me to stop that ungodly behavior was seeing the results of it in me and then in my family.

Let’s see what uncontrolled anger does to one’s health. Each thought you have has an accompanying biochemical that is released in your body. The good peaceful thoughts and words release helpful hormones that bathe your cells and aid in good growth and repair. Angry thoughts and words do the opposite. They release hormones that attack and do damage to the cells.

Dr. Caroline Leaf in her book. Who Switched Off My Brain writes “Hostility, rage and anger are at the top of the list of toxic emotions that can produce serious mental and  physical illnesses.” (page 68)

The Apostle Paul had to know a lot about anger when he was a part of imprisoning and killing Christians. He stood by watching when Stephen was stoned to death. I’m sure he saw the example of Stephen’s self-control in the face of impending death (Acts 7:59-60).

Later Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:29-32 (NASB) “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”

Now what do you do if you have been allowing anger to control you instead of you controlling it?  Let the anger that rises within you be your trigger. When the temptation comes, take a deep breath and say to yourself a particular Scripture. The one I have used is Proverbs 18:10 (NASB) “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; The righteous runs into it and is safe.” I back up into the strong tower of the Lord and am safe and protected from my enemy of uncontrolled anger.

I am praying in advance for you to allow the Holy Spirit to teach you self-control over uncontrolled anger.  With God’s help, we can have healthy bodies and healthy families.

Good Attitudes Build Happy Homes – 1-B Bev

HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY HOME
1-B  Good Attitudes Build Happy Homes
By Bev Robinson

Ras and I awakened one morning years ago. I was in the kitchen cooking breakfast. I sat down at the breakfast bar, sighed and said, “I feel like I slept with the devil last night.”  The kids looked at me with raised eyebrows. I had slept with their dad. I was still sleepy and groggy and had not realized how it sounded. They told their dad when he came in for breakfast and then they began to tease us. Regardless of the pun that was not intended, think about it. Sometimes sourness and bad attitudes come from not getting enough rest or from events of the previous day. When you get up, there is that bad attitude staring everyone in the face with seemingly not much reason.

Another reason that explains our wrong attitudes is programing by family happenings when we were children. I remember an incident that happened after Ras and I had been married about 10 years. It was so “eye-opening” to me that I remember exactly where I was standing in our den. Ras would soon be home from work and I was considering ways to start an argument. After I had rolled over several things in my mind, it occurred to me what I was doing.  Why was I trying to pick a fight? Things were going so well. It felt like our relationship was going almost too well. I asked the Lord why I was thinking about sabotaging our relationship. Why was I thinking about starting an argument? God showed me a pattern in my childhood home life. Things would seem to be going well and all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, relationships would be strained between my parents. Separation or divorce would soon follow. (There were seven divorces between my mother and father.) As a child, I would be playing without a care and suddenly attitudes would turn sour and divisions followed. It was an established pattern I had grown up with. Family roots of such happenings can produce bad attitudes. The reason I was about to pick a fight with my husband was because of the pattern I had experienced in my childhood.

We may not know exactly why bad attitudes come, but if you don’t stop them they can hinder the blessings God has for you and your family. How we handle challenges can directly affect our lives and bring good attitudes or bad attitudes. So what does it take to maintain a good attitude? Let’s look at three Scriptures:

1. Romans 8:28-29. (NASB)And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.  For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren;
2. Proverbs 14:6. (AMP) A scoffer seeks Wisdom in vain [for his very attitude blinds and deafens him to it], but knowledge is easy to him who [being teachable] understands.
3. Philippians  2:5.  (AMP)“Let this same attitude and purpose and [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus: [Let Him be your example in humility:]

1. Romans 2:28-29. This verse of Scripture was written by the Apostle Paul. Early in his life he was a part of imprisoning and murdering Christians. After he was converted and began to share the Gospel, he was beaten several times, thrown out of cities and imprisoned. God caused good to come from all he had been through. In Paul’s time, the known world had the Gospel preached to them mostly because of him. Our son-in-law, the pastor of our church, places emphasis on the words God causes. Whatever has come your way, good or bad, God will cause it to work for your good. At the same time He is causing good to come, He is also conforming us to the image of Christ. Both Jesus and Paul went through many things and so will we. So if we can keep in our thoughts and words on the fact that God will cause all things to work together for our good, it can help us maintain good attitudes.

2. Proverbs 14:6 reminds us the futility of scoffing. Scoffing means being cynical with whatever is happening. Having a cynical attitude blocks wisdom from a situation, but having a teachable spirit brings understanding. Scoffing will result in a bad attitude. Maybe children in the household have little idea of what is going on between parents, as was the case for me as a child, but it can open them to cultivating bad attitudes. A scoffer is bound by his attitude. The remedy is to walk in humility and have a teachable spirit.

3. Philippians 2:5 tells us to have the attitude of Jesus and walk in humility as He did. Jesus gave up the privileges and blessings of heaven to come to earth. The rest of the passage through verse 13 says He emptied himself and was obedient even to the point of death.

When we work at having good attitudes, knowing God will work out all things for our good, when we don’t allow ourselves to become cynical, and when we walk in humility, we will be well on our way to having peaceful, up building and positive homes. We can only do this through the guidance and power of the Holy Spirit. Through allowing Jesus to live through us, we can maintain the attitudes for a joyful life and experience happy home life.