HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY HOME
Conquering Fear with God’s Perfect Love Helps Build Happy Homes
Ras Robinson
1 John 4:18 (KJV)“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”
Luke 8:49-50 (KJV) “While he yet spake, there cometh one from the ruler of the synagogue’s house, saying to him, Thy daughter is dead; trouble not the Master. But when Jesus heard it, he answered him, saying, fear not: believe only, and she shall be made whole.”
FEAR IN THE HOME is common but not always welcome. The reasons for it are seldom understood. Fear has good and bad qualities and effects. Whoever is the authority figure in a home can inherit with that authority an expectation to harm, disappoint or block things desired. Such expectations and experience might lead one to conclude that all fear is undesirable. Knowledge and understanding of fear must increase. Below I have addressed the need and process for clearing the air between parents and children and how it results in a happy home, but first let’s consider what fear is and its results.
FEAR NOT, BELIEVE ONLY. Fear that blocks the works of God in the family must be resolved. In the passage above, Jesus said “Fear not, believe only!” He said those words during a time when others were rebuking the parents for asking Jesus to heal a child who was already dead. Jesus told the parents “Fear not. Believe only and she shall be made whole.” There was fear that Jesus might not be able raise the dead child. That fear almost blocked the miracle, but the child was made whole as promised.
In ministering to couples, we often see fear in the eyes of the female and sometimes in the male as well. Perhaps this is because they might be opening themselves to rebuke or correction and they fear that. We also observe this in children towards their parents. In these cases there is need for more God-fearing love.
Good fear can indeed exist alongside bad fear. Personally, may I share with you how I learned from both good and bad fear? Notice that fear is a great teacher if you are open to learning.
DEALING WITH MY PERSONAL FEAR. As a child, I had fear of darkness and ghosts. I decided I needed and wanted to be rid of it. One dark night, leaping over the chain-link fence in the black darkness of night just as I had planned, I landed in our church cemetery. Looking about I saw a concrete grave slab and head stone. As I had planned in my mind beforehand, I stretched out on the grave slab, lying on my back. I first looked skyward and then all around and said, “Devil, you will never give fear to me ever again.” I was 17 years old. That night I claimed what Jesus once said, “Fear not, believe only” without knowing it was Scripture. I declared to the devil, “you will never cause me to have fear, ever again.” Still today, I fear not.
Many times since then I have walked through our house, barn and other structures belonging to me and I pray, telling the devil to get out and not to come back. Every night now my wife and other family members want to hear me say, “Our house is secure, Good night.”
Fearing my intellectual inadequacies, I have had to remember and say again, “Fear not, believe only.” The first university course I took was, of all things, trigonometry. Math is not always easy for me. In applying to a university immediately after graduating from high school, I was told I would have to take remedial math. I dropped the college application and joined the USAF. I decided to take university courses while in the USAF and it was then that I faced my fear of math and my ability for learning. God blessed me with a best friend to encourage me to try. I made an “A” in the trigonometry class! “Fear not, believe only!” I have now earned not one, but two university degrees.
MY GRANDDAUGHTER had a dreadful fear of needles and seeing blood. God told me to tell her, “Face your fear. When the needle is coming, look at it even as it punctures your vein. Her fear looked to me like it doubled, but she did it. After a few times doing this, she was free of those fears and is very active with her children when dealing with medical things.
MANY OTHER THINGS in our lives generate fear for us to master when we need to remember the words of Jesus to “Fear not, believe only!” Some of them could be public speaking, relationships, poverty, discipline or correction.
WHAT IS FEAR? (From Webster’s) 1. being afraid (of something or someone); 2. Worrying about something bad or unpleasant; 3. Having a reverential awe of God; 4. Afraid or apprehensive about the future; 5. An unpleasant strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.
NEGATIVE AND POSITIVE ASPECTS OF FEAR
NEGATIVE ASPECTS: We are possibly most familiar with the negative aspects of fear. Some of these are: 1.Trembling with fear, 2. Being unable to walk down the street without fear of being mugged, 3. Regarding enemies with fear and hatred, 4. Fear of flying, 5. Fear of snakes, spiders. Etc.
This fear can paralyze the one who harbors it. It opposes God’s perfect love and pollutes efforts to love another. Fear is an enemy to faith. Fear and love strain at co-existing. When entertained, fear invites estrangement from loving others. Fear robs and prevents us from experiencing the fullness of God’s love and the love for family and others.
POSITIVE ASPECTS: When we hear the word “fear,” we usually think of the negative aspects of it. However, there are also some positive aspects. Some of them are 1. Fear that motivates good behavior, 2. Fear that helps avoid disasters and accidents, 3. Fear that prevents sin, 4. Fear that warns of danger, 5. Fear of losing that motivates winning.
Clearing the Air Between Parents and Children, Children and Parents
A home in which there is fear is not a happy home. That fear needs to be cleared.
Parents to children who fear their parents: Parents should pray about the best time to meet with the children. Choose a good and quiet place, perhaps with favorite refreshments. Speak to the kids about what you are learning about managing the fear in your home. Be quick to admit your part in creating the fear. Apologize and ask the kids’ forgiveness. Wear your best “humility face” that is straight from your cleansed heart. Explain again to the kids what you have learned and how sorry you are for the fear that is in the home. Have prayer, affirm the children and bless them.
Children to parents who have created fear in their children: Schedule another session if necessary for the children to speak and perhaps apologize to the parents for their part in creating an atmosphere of fear in the home. They should ask their parents to forgive them and pray for the parents.
Fill your home with the love of God. Fear cannot penetrate God’s perfect love. God’s love conquers fear and is important in establishing your happy home.
Ras and Bev Robinson Blog 